Trick or Coco?

Come Back Post

Based on the date of my last blog post, you may think I grew tired of blogging or maybe just ran out of things to say. Well this just quite simply is not true. Unfortunately I became bogged down with the responsibilites of working and going to school simultaneously and before you knew it - I hadn't posted anything for several weeks. I know this has been quite upsetting to many as several of you have expressed concern as to when my infamous return to the blogging world would be. I can assure you I have been wanting to blog for some time now. I wanted to write again, but my first topic back couldn't be a mere silly anecdote. No! My come back post had to be something outstanding! Something worth while, something meaningful even! As the days, weeks and even months without a post zoomed by, I constantly was thinking, "What post would be worthy enough to start blogging about again?" Ladies and Gentlemen of the Lush Times of Miss Lupa: I come to you with something truly profound.



Seriously? Who leaves this much butter left and doesn't get a new stick out of the fridge? Seriously!

Why how nice of you to say...

I was babysitting my brother's kids tonight and Parker (age 5) was entertained by one of his books. He is learning to read so he is very interested in sounding letters out to read them. The particular book he was reading today had pictures of animals, househould objects and kids pointing out their various body parts. He would sound out a body part, "Nnu-oh-sss. Nose. Where is your nose Chelsey?" I would point to my nose and he would do the same. He then moved on to the next part. "Mmmm..ow-thhhh. Mouth. Chelsey, where is your mouth?"
When he got down to chest I patted my chest over my heart. He likewise pats his chest and says, "My chest is small. Your chest is big Chelsey."
I can honestly say this is probably the first (and last) instance where someone has sincerely thought I was big chested. :) Mind you, it was seconds later where Parker's little sister Nannah pointed at my stomach and said, "You have a baby in your tummy."
Thanks for putting me back in my spot Nannah. :)

I need a job...

I haven't been working since Mid November. The bills are piling up. I'm slowly but surely losing my sanity by feeling "useless" and "unproductive". My sleep schedule is COMPLETELY off. ::sigh:: Things are not looking good kids. Then to top it all off, I heard about the creme de la creme on the radio. I came straight home to check it out on the internet and it's true:
Russell Crowe along with Cate Blanchett, Geoffrey Rush, and Nicole Kidman are part of the 2009 Australia Legends Stamp Collection. So any Australian Citizen can just walk into the post office, get a role of Russell Crowe, lick the back of him and slap him on the back (of an envelope).
So being in the United States I don't really have a need for these stamps because after all I can't use them to send mail, but let me tell you what...I. can. use. them!
This little developement just might give me that extra burst of motivation to get a job so I can buy things that I don't need, but must have!
In conclusion, if anyone knows of any available jobs please let me know. My happiness very well depends on it. If nothing else, my birthday is July 2nd. :)

3 Things

1) Why am I up online "window" shopping for things I want, but can't afford because I, indeed, do not have a job?

2) I miss Paris...


3) I just watched the last episode of Sex and the City, and I LOVE the ending quote of the series... "The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous." Honestly, is there anything better than that?

I before E, except after C...

I'm not sure when it's appropriate to use the words "peoples" or "monies" but when I hear it, it puts me in a good mood.

SUPER STAR!

So my nephew has a couple of audio puzzles that are light sensored. He has one inparticular that is the alphabet and when you put the letter in it's correct spot it will say something similar to, "G is for guitar."

Well here I am in the computer room doin my thang when our dog, Sitka, walks in and sits down. I hear the puzzle say, "S is for star!". Now... the way the guy says star... he is sooooooooooo excited. It's like he does jazz hands with the star. "S is for STAR!" This isn't a big deal as you will hear the puzzle on occasion, usually as you turn the light off in the room.

For whatever reason, Sitka was in just the right spot. So wvery few seconds you hear, "S is for STAR!" "S is for STAR!" Sure, I could have gotten up and turned the puzzle upside down, but then I wouldn't be writing this delightful post now would I? Yeah, think about it.

Anyway, Sitka has since let the room so I don't hear some guy getting excited about the constellations above.

JAZZ HANDS!

DST

I do not adjust well to day light savings at all! (Although, I dig the fall back and gaining an extra hour.) Yesterday was one of those days where I just crashed and slept through everything and didn't wake up until 1:00, e.g. 2:00 in the p.m. I didn't complain too much as I think I needed the rest. I saw my adorable friend, Kristen, had left me a text message that read:

Daylight Savings... The Universe's latest move in its proverbial chess game to keep me from getting to church on time. Well played, Universe. Well played.

Oh Kristen! How I love you and your wit! Especially wit so early in the morning. While you were late to church, at least you went and didn't sleep through the ENTIRE thing and then some, leaving your carpooling friend in the dark like some of us do. Mann, i'm a horrible friend.

I had slept in my parents bed last night as they're out of town and have the house to myself... I don't know why, but us kids will always sleep there if they're gone... it's just something we do. Anyway, I set the alarm for this morning, and there is nothing worse than waking up at 6:30 am ... or is there?

How about waking up at 6:30 after Daylight Savings making it feel like 5:30... on a Monday... to the preset radio station of your parents choice that played, wait for it, Shania Twain! I know! No one should be subjected to country-none the less- Shania that early in the morning.

I definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed... literally, as I tend to sleep on the left, but was on the right this morning.

Squeeky Clean

So I'm in the *shower, and I don't like this shower spray nonsense. You know, when the shower head has a delicate array of sprays sprinkling out and you can barely feel anything? Oh no... I can't do that. I need a thick strong stream beating down on me. Aw yeah, it's so relaxing! It can massage all stress down the drain along with the oil, sweat and dirt the day has brought.

Well, here's the thing... when my shower head is adjusted to this setting, it actually has 3 different slots to come out of. So, the water will be shooting out hard for a few minutes, and then without warning water comes out of a different part of the shower head, many times taking you by surprise. Tonight was no exception my friend. So I'm lathering up my leg while the piercing shot of water strikes my lower back. When, without warning, Beeeeyoooom! A water shot strikes me right in the back! It COMPLETELY took me off guard inas much that I let out a little shriek, to only laugh at myself seconds later. Who does that? It then reminded me of a similar shower experience... oh yeah, you'll hear it. I know you're stoked too!

My old apartment had awesome water pressure. Oh mann, it was very nice! However, my bathroom sucked! We lived in the basement of a house and the bathroom was very small. It was more of a closet... a water closet... if you will. Well, the fan was connected to the light switch, so if you wanted light... you had to take the fan too. Being in the basement, there was also no window to let some kind of light in. This fan proposed a problem as it was right about the shower and the pressure of the water would suck the shower curtain INTO the shower. Leaving no room to bathe and often soaking the floor with water. So annoying! Being poor college students, Carrie and I rigged up a pole that we could move in and out of place that would keep the curtain somewhat at bay as to not stick to our skin as we showered in this tiny 1 man stand in shower. By the way.... that has nothing to do with the story... it just sucked ass and was so annoying to deal with. Keep following, you'll like where this story goes. So I'm showering away one day and I have the thick stream of water pounding down on me. Mmmm, that's nice. Although... the spray was just a little bit off. I reach up to the head and try to adjust it to a more convenient spot. The head was hard to move, so I push just a little more force on it... when BAM! The water pressure was so strong it knocked our cheap plastic shower head off and hit me SQUARE BETWEEN THE EYES. THE EYES! The most vulnerable of all Chelsey parts! That hurt like one motha'! I quickly punched the knob as now the pressure was shooting out an incredible force upon me (Think Kramer with his elephant shower head in Seinfeld). As I stand underneath the whirling fan trying to suck my shower curtain into it, I was afraid to open my eyes. I just knew I would see striking red blood dripping and running down into the drain. Through the stinging, I managed to get my eyes open. Luckily there was no blood. I did however see the broken shower head on the floor, and that straight up pissed me off. Damn shower and it's water pressure!

One more, shower story for the peeps. I love how great ideas can come from shower time. The head is cleared, the body is relaxed, aromatherapy overtakes the senses... what a spendid time to get ideas! I full on had a KILLER idea the other day. Oh mann, it's so good! If only I had the time to carry it through, for it is an idea that ignites my hatred, lights my fire, magnifies my passions and of course makes me smile! Oh, it's a glorious idea! I should make time for it, as it's ingenious... well... at least I think so.

Moral? I don't know. Funny, crappy, and great things can all happen in the shower. But whatever the case, please take one as to not stink out your fellow patrons. It's greatly appreciated.



*Note- Start every post this way, because how cool is that?

Owie

Remember on the Simpsons when Comic Book Guy is in a wheelbarrel at the ER and he exasperates, "Oh! Loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix!"?

You know what else is a dangerous mix? Chelsey and a box of Girl Scout Samoa cookies at work. I'm so sick, but I can't help but keep eating them. They're soooo good!

Censorship

Did I really just have a meeting with my boss where I said I would turn tricks for food in Europe?

...Mind you, this is a meeting to discuss my performace reivew...

Almost sensuous...

I don't know why, but my work gets all these sex spam emails and I'm not gonna lie... it's annoying. However, they can be quite entertaining at times. Because seriously... sex spam emails at work? Who pulled that fast one on the company? The majority of the emails have to do with enlarging penises. Today I received one where the subject is "Why did she choose him over me?!" and when you open it up, there is a link that says, "Let's get freaky tonight in the sack baby"

Lol... I don't know why, but that is hella funny! I use to just delete them, but i'm so gonna start reading these now. Sorta like... the joke of the day. This is awesome.

Eye-Catching

I enjoy the Three Tenors, and I would so buy this cd for the coverwork alone. Cute.

Smart.

"Cancel your group therapy, delete your therapist's number and stop seeing your tarot card reader - Dupree is the only man for you. Check out the 'Wisdom of Dupree'! And have Dupree give you the only advice you will ever need on life, love and living."

My favorite is asking him dirty questions... gets me everytime!

Pet da Pooch

For those of you who have dogs, or have at least been around dogs a lot, you will understand.
I don't know how many times a family member has been getting food in the kitchen and within seconds one of my dogs is suddenly there begging for food. They have a particular knack for knowing the sound of cheese, carrots, bread, and dog bisquits. Once the dog is in sight you will hear a family member say, "How do they know?" I mean, those dogs will freakin' be outside and they will be barking at the door to come in when they hear that cheese wrapper. Seriously... how do they distinguish the cheese wrapper from other wrappers when outside or downstairs?
Just now I'm typing away at work when I hear "it" from Lindsey's cubicle. A little somethin-somethin that grabs my attention. "Lindsey?" I ask in my sweetest voice. "Can I have some?"
There is silence for a moment or two. Through a grin Lindsey responds, "Some of what?"
"Some of your M&M's" I say while keeping my salavating at bay.
Lindsey and our Co-worker Kathy just start laughing. Lindsey walks over to my cubicle and at the same time we both say, "I heard that coming a mile away. Pardon? Who said that? Who's speaking?" (Which is a line from Robin Hood: Men in Tights which we quote all the time.)
I pour my handful of M&M's and Lindsey says, "You're just like the dogs!"

...

I'm just sitting here minding my own, plugging away at work when down the way from me I hear a loud beep. Then an automated voice that says, "Call for help now." "Remove all clothing."

Silence. What was that? I look around sheepishly. In a mere 15 seconds I hear a repeat. "Remove all clothing. Pull red lever." What tha?

It sounded like a recording played on a speaker phone. My question however is... what kind of trouble could you possibly get into where you are instructed to "remove all clothing" from an automated system? I could see if you fall through ice into a river and need to warm up and treat hypothermia... but seriously... what was up with that message? Why was somebody listening to it on speaker phone?

It reminds me of an episode of the Simpsons. Bart thinks Flanders has killed Mod and will soon kill Lisa when he finds her snooping around his house in this delightful parody of Rear Window. Bart calls the police and he hears an automated menu, "If you know the name of the felony being committed press 1 now." Bart gets impatient and just starts pressing buttons. "You have selected Regicide. If you know the name of King or Queen being murdered, press 1 now."

I seriously think someone at my office just called an automated police line with inquiries about hypothermia. Is there any other logical explanation anyone?

WAIT! ... Do you have to remove clothing in order to use a defibrillator? That's probably it... At least, I sure hope so. I don't want some robotic woman instructing me to remove my clothing if I have a toothache... Or do I?

Sexiest Quarterbacks?

MSN's Top Ten Sexiest QBs and my thoughts on the fellas:

1- Tom Brady. Yes. Although, what's up with the photo on file? This is probably the worst photo I have ever seen of him. Is it just me or does he look like a snarling beast (ooh la la!) in a showdown with red lasers ready to shoot out of his eyes at any moment? Damn, he's still hot though. (Mmmm, scan through these Pics... You'll see something you like gauranteed! I rather appreciate the Stetson advertising!)

2- Brett Favre. Oh yeah! He is definitely a good lookin' dude! He is the reason I enjoy There's Something About Mary. Not only is he physically attractive, he has that fire and drive that make him irresistable. People are aware of his past and the struggles he overcame to make his family his priority. There is nothing sexier than a man who can push his demons aside and never look back. He's just such a stud!

3- Joe Namath. Sorry, But I can't help but think of this everytime I see him. (btw, NOT impressed with Chad Pennington at all! There were far more talented QB's drafted in 1999. Unfortunately the cards were against them and the NFL didn't quite work out as it should have, while subpar QB's like Pennington are still out there. Mann, if the NFL had known the gem they could have had and kept him in their system... they would be loving life right now, and he would definitely be on this top ten sexiest list.)

4- Donovan McNabb. He's cool. I admire his determination and endurance. And I like Daryl from The Office simply because he reminds me of McNabb.

5- Tony Romo. Cute. He has that babyface which shows his love for the game of football. Ugh, although his love for other things is not desirable to this girl. Tony Romo + Jessica Simpson = Not Attractive. Although, I'll admit, this commercial makes me smile and I can't help but lovingly say, "Oh Romo!" every time it comes on.

6- Johnny Unitas. You know I'm going to love this man since he did so much for the Baltimore Colts. He's a legend that accomplished so much. How could you not respect the man? Plus, they don't name awards after lame ass guys. He has award status. That's way cool! (I love how dapper he looks in this picture!)

7- Doug Flutie. Talent is very attractive in a man. Doug Flutie is very talented, however... I'm sorry Doug, you just don't cut it for me. Don't get me wrong, I have mad respect for you and your supreme hail mary thow, but... yeah... Not a good looking man. (The photo they use cracks me up. Like him biting his lower lip will throw in some sex appeal. No. Doesn't work that way.)

8- Matt Hasselbeck. Ew! (That was LITERALLY what came out of my mouth when I saw this) I don't care how adorable your wife is, the fact that she is a cast member on The View automatically is a downer. Sorry, you can't get rid of that black mark.

9- Randall Cunningham. Honestly, I have heard the name (or am I thinking of Richie Cunningham and his wife Oprah?) but I can't tell you anything about him. I could see how the ladies would find him attractive though.

10- Matt Lienart. You use to be attractive to me. Until that is you put football on the back burner and spent more time hobnobbing with Hollywood Socialites. Don't get me wrong, I would also be drawn to Hollywood parties. But if you were the QB for the #1 NCAA team and were drafted into the NFL, you keep football as your priority. There's just no excuse for cutting down football like that. Not to mention you took over the starting position from my man Kurt Warner. Kurt is far more talened than Matt. I defintitley think Warner is a goodlooking guy, but it's his character that truly makes him sexy. Yeah... none of these things are working in your favor. ICK! And i'll never forget the day I read you were seen canoodaling with Paris Hilton. Brother... the girl is a walking disease! Take the advice from Dr. Seuss and don't touch her with a 39 and a half ft pole!

Stringy!

I am eating the stringiest piece of Sting Cheese I have ever ate... and it is delicious!

Also, I love doing an image search on Google and seeing random stuff you wouldn't expect to see under something like, Oh, I don't know... "String Cheese".

Good Stuff!

The Whole Time?!

I have to wear a name badge at work. I don't wear it around my neck. Ew! I don't use the little slate of metal to slide into my pant pocket because then it locks the badge so you can't pull it out by the string, and that's annoying since you have to scan your card going through all the doors in the building. I do, however use the hook and clamp it onto my belt loop. I never attach it to the front belt loop though because when you walk it taps against your thigh and is highly annoying. So i'll place it on the loop that is to the back right... I don't know, something tapping my ass doesn't bother me as much I guess. Ha ha.

So I have a pair of khaki cargo pants that I LOVE! I'm sure you've all seen them, (all 2 of you who read my blog. Always glad to accomodate you!) as I've had them since high school. Yeah, high school, and I still bust them out and get all excited to wear them. I pull them off as dress pants because they're not levis, although they are probably not business appropriate since they are so old, dingy and stained. Oh well... I'm still gonna rock them like it's 1999 (Which is honestly when I probably got them). Anyway, whenever I have these pants on, I forget they don't have belt loops on them, and it's the one drawback! There is nowhere to put my badge but to slide it into the pocket, but like stated above, that screws up the whole highly sophisticated rotarty mechanism, and I also think the badge will snag on something and I'll have to pay $15 for a stupid badge.

There is a point. It might be a stupid point, but it's in here. Just wait for it.

Just now I grabbed my badge so I could go to the bathroom (that's right... 7:48 pm... I'm at work even though I got here at 7:30 am.) when I realized which pants I was wearing today and was sad with the inconvenient attachment I had to resort to. I connect my badge to my pant pocket, and slide my hand up and back around my waist. My finger caught ahold of something... A BELT LOOP! I have had a belt loop on the right back side of my favorite pair of dingy pants this WHOLE TIME ('99 shall we?) and I didn't know?! How could I miss this?! Think of all those wasted moments of worrying I'd lose my badge, or needing to detach it to swipe against security. I guess I just assumed since I didn't have belt loops in the front, I wouldn't have them in the back.

Let this be a lesson to you... Old school pants never go out of style and they help you out in the most unlikely of circumstances. Be good to your pants!

Fantastical!

This morning I had to run up to the U of U bookstore to purchase my remaining text for the semester. When I saw the magazine cubby section, I remembered my sister saying Johnny was on the cover of Rolling Stones this month. So I went over and started looking. Brittney Spears, blah blah... Little Teen Boppers from the Disney Channel, whatever... Will Smith, you're cool. Tom Brady, GRRR! Stupid Patriots going to the Super Bowl again! How I hate the though! Mmmmm although how I do love the beauty that is Tom. When suddenly I see it in all his glory. Johnny on the cover. Holy mother of all that is good. That is a good picture. I scooped up my copy and eagerly skipped to the check out. I step up to the first counter and recognise the kid as he assisted me just a week earlier. We exchange pleasantries and he says, "Johnny Depp huh?" and I exclaim, "YES!" (Think of Will Ferrell as Buddy the Elf when Mary Steenburgen confirms syrup does indeed contain sugar and Buddy responds back, "Then YES! I LOVE syrup!" Well, I responded very similarly.) We talk about the awesomeness that is Johnny while he rings me up and at the end of it all he says, "You enjoy Johnny Depp!" To which I replied, "Ooh hoo hoo! I WILL! And by the way, I appreciate that you would tell me to 'enjoy' Johnny Depp. That makes me feel good!" I left the bookstore with a spring in my step towards the cashiers office. It was bitterly cold this morning. A radio DJ had said, "Temperature has gone UP to 7° downtown." So as I walked on the icy sidewalks/snow (slipping twice, but never falling) I clutched Johnny and held him close to my chest. Oh mann.... how sweet is that?! When I was done at the U, I drove to work (which was miserable... but let's not be a downer on such a wonderful post) I worked my crappy shift and made it back out to my car at 6:37 pm. I hop inside and turn the engine on to warm up while I scrape some frost off the windows. I reached into the backseat for the scraper to see a chest bearing Johnny seductively wanting me from my back seat. I giggled like a school girl, and probably blushed like one too. Mmmm, Johnny in the backseat. I can't help but have the infamous words of Luda come to the forefront of my mind, "Backseat, windows up, that's that way I like to %*$^" Mmmm.... good times!
Oh, and for the record, I love how they start Johnny's article out with, "Attend the tale of Johnny Depp" tying in the main titles for Sweeney Todd. I rather enjoy that!


So, my soon to be brother in-law just called me. This is EXACTLY how the conversation went down:


Chelsey: Hello?
Travis: Did you hear who died?
Chelsey: Oh, yeah. Heath Ledger
Travis: Who told you?!
Chelsey: Lindsey
Travis: DAMMIT! (Hear Lindsey in the background laughing)
Chelsey: Why do you ask?
Travis: Cause I want to be the first to tell someone.
Chelsey: Why don't you try Keri?
Travis: Does she not know yet?!
Chelsey: I don't know. I haven't seen her today.
::click:: End of transmission.