Monday, March 31, 2008
Kids will be kids
So I signed on to Yahoo for a little email reading where I received some news I was not at all prepared for. My Andy Roddick is engaged! My first reaction was, :: gasp :: "No!" I don't know why I'm so bummed, but I am. He's engaged to 20-year old model Brooklyn Decker. Blah! There's nothing worse than when your athlete or celebrity crush marries a model. We all know we don't have a chance with these heart throbs, but when you come to realize super models are their types... you have to come to terms you have absolutely zero chance in hell of any sort of love match. (LOL! Love. match. tennis. Oh mann, I am hillarious!) Once your guy goes way of the model you can't even entertain the thought of a once beloved fantasy meeting. Like right now, I can't even close my eyes and imagine a flirty conversation with Andy (or as I like to call him, A. Roddick. Sounds a lot like erotic doesn't it? Seriously try it. A. Roddick, Erotic, A. Roddick. Erotic. One in the same baby! And in case you were wondering, yes. Yes, I sing Andy's name in lieu of the steamy adjective when I sing along with Madonna's title song... just so you know... moving on.)
Friday, March 28, 2008
Freak Out
The other day my brother Matt said his 4 year old, Parker, came downstairs with white all over his head and reported, "Nannah made a mess."
Matt goes upstairs to find his 3 year old, Savannah, had worked her way into his and Kristine's room and found a brand new bottle of baby powder in his wife's gym bag. It was EVERYWHERE! Matt said Savannah was covered head to toe in white, and the only thing he could make out were her little brown eyes glimmering behind the powder. Matt wished he had taken a picture as it was quite funny, but there was just so much to do. The powder was all over the room, on their bed, all over their recently laundered clothes, EVERY WHERE.
He promptly put both kids in the tub after shaking off the excess powder on the bathroom floor. He directly said to both children, "Don't get a single drop of water on the floor or else daddy will freak out." He scurried downstairs to put a load of wash in. As he made his way back up he heard P&S laughing and laughing so hard. As he approached the bathroom he found they were pouring buckets of water out of the tub onto the bathroom floor. Matt said he was so mad he was speechless!
Oh mann, they sure are cute little stinkers (when you don't have to clean up after them). I love this story
Matt goes upstairs to find his 3 year old, Savannah, had worked her way into his and Kristine's room and found a brand new bottle of baby powder in his wife's gym bag. It was EVERYWHERE! Matt said Savannah was covered head to toe in white, and the only thing he could make out were her little brown eyes glimmering behind the powder. Matt wished he had taken a picture as it was quite funny, but there was just so much to do. The powder was all over the room, on their bed, all over their recently laundered clothes, EVERY WHERE.
He promptly put both kids in the tub after shaking off the excess powder on the bathroom floor. He directly said to both children, "Don't get a single drop of water on the floor or else daddy will freak out." He scurried downstairs to put a load of wash in. As he made his way back up he heard P&S laughing and laughing so hard. As he approached the bathroom he found they were pouring buckets of water out of the tub onto the bathroom floor. Matt said he was so mad he was speechless!
Oh mann, they sure are cute little stinkers (when you don't have to clean up after them). I love this story
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Waiting...
Is it Friday the 4th yet? 8 days is sooooooooooooooo close and yet so far away!
Come on Friday... COME ON!
Come on Friday... COME ON!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Good Person
As I walked out of my credit union this morning, I held the door open for a man who was walking inside. As he approached I noticed he was wearing a most horrifying New England Patriots t-shirt. ::Shudder:: He thanked me for my service upon entering and I replied with a sweet "You're welcome".
See, I'm a good person. I still help out the enemy. :)
See, I'm a good person. I still help out the enemy. :)
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Como esta bitches?
This news was posted on imdb today. I dont' have time to fully express how much Heather Mills pisses me off, but in the meantime you can read her insane remarks and I will highlight everything she said that is ludicrous.
Sir Paul McCartney's ex-wife Heather Mills has been awarded $48.6 million in a divorce settlement. The couple - who wed in 2002 - failed to reach an agreement last month and it was left to a London High Court judge to make the final decision. According to High Court papers, Mills asked for $250 million, but the former Beatle offered her $31.6 million. On Monday, Mills was awarded $33 million cash with assets worth $15.6 million. Speaking outside the court, Mills said she is pleased with the judgment and remains friends with her ex-husband: "I am very, very, very happy. I was always going to get between $40 and $60 million, but Sir Paul was offering much less than that. The judge said Paul was only worth $800 million, but everyone has known he has been worth $1.6 billion for the last 15 years. I wasn't allowed any access into any of our accounts, I was locked out of every home. I hope now that me and my daughter can have a life and not be followed every single day. Apart from one TV thing, I have kept silent for 21 months. I wanted to keep it private but he wanted it made public he always wants to look like he's generous Sir Paul." Mills will not appeal against the judge's decision, but will appeal on Tuesday against the decision to release court papers which disclose details about the couple's four-year-old daughter Beatrice. She adds, "I am standing here because Paul is insistent on the whole judgment being put out. I've said that if the whole judgment goes out then all the transcripts have to go out because it's going to be written in a way that they will try and make it that I wasn't successful. The only reason I'm appealing tomorrow morning... I'm not appealing the judgment but the publication of it as it includes private secure matters about my daughter. It's gone against everything to do with human rights." The couple's divorce case had been held in private, but it is believed the judge released the agreed figure in a bid to end speculation over the size of the financial settlement. McCartney, 65, married Mills, 40, four years after his first wife Linda died from breast cancer.
She is a freakin' selfish, lying idiot. (The feminist in me is repressing any degrading name or phrase that would easily apply to her.) I hate her. Keep up your chin Paul. We love you. Here you are a year past 64 and I find you as adorable as ever! As do Vera, Chuck, and Dave. You're the best.
Sir Paul McCartney's ex-wife Heather Mills has been awarded $48.6 million in a divorce settlement. The couple - who wed in 2002 - failed to reach an agreement last month and it was left to a London High Court judge to make the final decision. According to High Court papers, Mills asked for $250 million, but the former Beatle offered her $31.6 million. On Monday, Mills was awarded $33 million cash with assets worth $15.6 million. Speaking outside the court, Mills said she is pleased with the judgment and remains friends with her ex-husband: "I am very, very, very happy. I was always going to get between $40 and $60 million, but Sir Paul was offering much less than that. The judge said Paul was only worth $800 million, but everyone has known he has been worth $1.6 billion for the last 15 years. I wasn't allowed any access into any of our accounts, I was locked out of every home. I hope now that me and my daughter can have a life and not be followed every single day. Apart from one TV thing, I have kept silent for 21 months. I wanted to keep it private but he wanted it made public he always wants to look like he's generous Sir Paul." Mills will not appeal against the judge's decision, but will appeal on Tuesday against the decision to release court papers which disclose details about the couple's four-year-old daughter Beatrice. She adds, "I am standing here because Paul is insistent on the whole judgment being put out. I've said that if the whole judgment goes out then all the transcripts have to go out because it's going to be written in a way that they will try and make it that I wasn't successful. The only reason I'm appealing tomorrow morning... I'm not appealing the judgment but the publication of it as it includes private secure matters about my daughter. It's gone against everything to do with human rights." The couple's divorce case had been held in private, but it is believed the judge released the agreed figure in a bid to end speculation over the size of the financial settlement. McCartney, 65, married Mills, 40, four years after his first wife Linda died from breast cancer.
She is a freakin' selfish, lying idiot. (The feminist in me is repressing any degrading name or phrase that would easily apply to her.) I hate her. Keep up your chin Paul. We love you. Here you are a year past 64 and I find you as adorable as ever! As do Vera, Chuck, and Dave. You're the best.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Exhausted
I was so out of it this morning that when I got up to get dressed I started to put my underwear (cute pair btw) ontop of my Pajama bottoms! Uh-huh. That's right, you read correctly. Right on over my comfty little pj pants. Who does that? The thing is, it's not like this was my first action out of bed. I talked to Keri for a minute, hung out with the pooches and fed them...
Hmmm... I do hope that was dog food I put in their bowls and not cherrios. Who knows since I was so tired... Hmmm.
Hmmm... I do hope that was dog food I put in their bowls and not cherrios. Who knows since I was so tired... Hmmm.
Monday, March 10, 2008
DST
I do not adjust well to day light savings at all! (Although, I dig the fall back and gaining an extra hour.) Yesterday was one of those days where I just crashed and slept through everything and didn't wake up until 1:00, e.g. 2:00 in the p.m. I didn't complain too much as I think I needed the rest. I saw my adorable friend, Kristen, had left me a text message that read:
Daylight Savings... The Universe's latest move in its proverbial chess game to keep me from getting to church on time. Well played, Universe. Well played.
Oh Kristen! How I love you and your wit! Especially wit so early in the morning. While you were late to church, at least you went and didn't sleep through the ENTIRE thing and then some, leaving your carpooling friend in the dark like some of us do. Mann, i'm a horrible friend.
I had slept in my parents bed last night as they're out of town and have the house to myself... I don't know why, but us kids will always sleep there if they're gone... it's just something we do. Anyway, I set the alarm for this morning, and there is nothing worse than waking up at 6:30 am ... or is there?
How about waking up at 6:30 after Daylight Savings making it feel like 5:30... on a Monday... to the preset radio station of your parents choice that played, wait for it, Shania Twain! I know! No one should be subjected to country-none the less- Shania that early in the morning.
I definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed... literally, as I tend to sleep on the left, but was on the right this morning.
Daylight Savings... The Universe's latest move in its proverbial chess game to keep me from getting to church on time. Well played, Universe. Well played.
Oh Kristen! How I love you and your wit! Especially wit so early in the morning. While you were late to church, at least you went and didn't sleep through the ENTIRE thing and then some, leaving your carpooling friend in the dark like some of us do. Mann, i'm a horrible friend.
I had slept in my parents bed last night as they're out of town and have the house to myself... I don't know why, but us kids will always sleep there if they're gone... it's just something we do. Anyway, I set the alarm for this morning, and there is nothing worse than waking up at 6:30 am ... or is there?
How about waking up at 6:30 after Daylight Savings making it feel like 5:30... on a Monday... to the preset radio station of your parents choice that played, wait for it, Shania Twain! I know! No one should be subjected to country-none the less- Shania that early in the morning.
I definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed... literally, as I tend to sleep on the left, but was on the right this morning.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Squeeky Clean
So I'm in the *shower, and I don't like this shower spray nonsense. You know, when the shower head has a delicate array of sprays sprinkling out and you can barely feel anything? Oh no... I can't do that. I need a thick strong stream beating down on me. Aw yeah, it's so relaxing! It can massage all stress down the drain along with the oil, sweat and dirt the day has brought.
Well, here's the thing... when my shower head is adjusted to this setting, it actually has 3 different slots to come out of. So, the water will be shooting out hard for a few minutes, and then without warning water comes out of a different part of the shower head, many times taking you by surprise. Tonight was no exception my friend. So I'm lathering up my leg while the piercing shot of water strikes my lower back. When, without warning, Beeeeyoooom! A water shot strikes me right in the back! It COMPLETELY took me off guard inas much that I let out a little shriek, to only laugh at myself seconds later. Who does that? It then reminded me of a similar shower experience... oh yeah, you'll hear it. I know you're stoked too!
My old apartment had awesome water pressure. Oh mann, it was very nice! However, my bathroom sucked! We lived in the basement of a house and the bathroom was very small. It was more of a closet... a water closet... if you will. Well, the fan was connected to the light switch, so if you wanted light... you had to take the fan too. Being in the basement, there was also no window to let some kind of light in. This fan proposed a problem as it was right about the shower and the pressure of the water would suck the shower curtain INTO the shower. Leaving no room to bathe and often soaking the floor with water. So annoying! Being poor college students, Carrie and I rigged up a pole that we could move in and out of place that would keep the curtain somewhat at bay as to not stick to our skin as we showered in this tiny 1 man stand in shower. By the way.... that has nothing to do with the story... it just sucked ass and was so annoying to deal with. Keep following, you'll like where this story goes. So I'm showering away one day and I have the thick stream of water pounding down on me. Mmmm, that's nice. Although... the spray was just a little bit off. I reach up to the head and try to adjust it to a more convenient spot. The head was hard to move, so I push just a little more force on it... when BAM! The water pressure was so strong it knocked our cheap plastic shower head off and hit me SQUARE BETWEEN THE EYES. THE EYES! The most vulnerable of all Chelsey parts! That hurt like one motha'! I quickly punched the knob as now the pressure was shooting out an incredible force upon me (Think Kramer with his elephant shower head in Seinfeld). As I stand underneath the whirling fan trying to suck my shower curtain into it, I was afraid to open my eyes. I just knew I would see striking red blood dripping and running down into the drain. Through the stinging, I managed to get my eyes open. Luckily there was no blood. I did however see the broken shower head on the floor, and that straight up pissed me off. Damn shower and it's water pressure!
One more, shower story for the peeps. I love how great ideas can come from shower time. The head is cleared, the body is relaxed, aromatherapy overtakes the senses... what a spendid time to get ideas! I full on had a KILLER idea the other day. Oh mann, it's so good! If only I had the time to carry it through, for it is an idea that ignites my hatred, lights my fire, magnifies my passions and of course makes me smile! Oh, it's a glorious idea! I should make time for it, as it's ingenious... well... at least I think so.
Moral? I don't know. Funny, crappy, and great things can all happen in the shower. But whatever the case, please take one as to not stink out your fellow patrons. It's greatly appreciated.
*Note- Start every post this way, because how cool is that?
Well, here's the thing... when my shower head is adjusted to this setting, it actually has 3 different slots to come out of. So, the water will be shooting out hard for a few minutes, and then without warning water comes out of a different part of the shower head, many times taking you by surprise. Tonight was no exception my friend. So I'm lathering up my leg while the piercing shot of water strikes my lower back. When, without warning, Beeeeyoooom! A water shot strikes me right in the back! It COMPLETELY took me off guard inas much that I let out a little shriek, to only laugh at myself seconds later. Who does that? It then reminded me of a similar shower experience... oh yeah, you'll hear it. I know you're stoked too!
My old apartment had awesome water pressure. Oh mann, it was very nice! However, my bathroom sucked! We lived in the basement of a house and the bathroom was very small. It was more of a closet... a water closet... if you will. Well, the fan was connected to the light switch, so if you wanted light... you had to take the fan too. Being in the basement, there was also no window to let some kind of light in. This fan proposed a problem as it was right about the shower and the pressure of the water would suck the shower curtain INTO the shower. Leaving no room to bathe and often soaking the floor with water. So annoying! Being poor college students, Carrie and I rigged up a pole that we could move in and out of place that would keep the curtain somewhat at bay as to not stick to our skin as we showered in this tiny 1 man stand in shower. By the way.... that has nothing to do with the story... it just sucked ass and was so annoying to deal with. Keep following, you'll like where this story goes. So I'm showering away one day and I have the thick stream of water pounding down on me. Mmmm, that's nice. Although... the spray was just a little bit off. I reach up to the head and try to adjust it to a more convenient spot. The head was hard to move, so I push just a little more force on it... when BAM! The water pressure was so strong it knocked our cheap plastic shower head off and hit me SQUARE BETWEEN THE EYES. THE EYES! The most vulnerable of all Chelsey parts! That hurt like one motha'! I quickly punched the knob as now the pressure was shooting out an incredible force upon me (Think Kramer with his elephant shower head in Seinfeld). As I stand underneath the whirling fan trying to suck my shower curtain into it, I was afraid to open my eyes. I just knew I would see striking red blood dripping and running down into the drain. Through the stinging, I managed to get my eyes open. Luckily there was no blood. I did however see the broken shower head on the floor, and that straight up pissed me off. Damn shower and it's water pressure!
One more, shower story for the peeps. I love how great ideas can come from shower time. The head is cleared, the body is relaxed, aromatherapy overtakes the senses... what a spendid time to get ideas! I full on had a KILLER idea the other day. Oh mann, it's so good! If only I had the time to carry it through, for it is an idea that ignites my hatred, lights my fire, magnifies my passions and of course makes me smile! Oh, it's a glorious idea! I should make time for it, as it's ingenious... well... at least I think so.
Moral? I don't know. Funny, crappy, and great things can all happen in the shower. But whatever the case, please take one as to not stink out your fellow patrons. It's greatly appreciated.
*Note- Start every post this way, because how cool is that?
Set the Scene
Let me set the scene for you.
Take one Twin size waterbed in my tiny pig stye of a room. Add ontop:
*One tired Chelsey
*One hella hot and awesome boyfriend
*One Finish Spitz, Sierra, who has been sleeping all night on my pillow growling under her breath at-
*One adorable Isis, Michael's Shiba Inu, who keeps giving Sierra the Stink Eye, but at this point just wants to cuddle up and sleep with the rest of us
*One Alaskan Malamute, Sitka, at the foot of the bed- who normally NEVER hops on my bed
*and one gargantuan of a Shiba Inu, Odin, ... well, only his front half on the bed because he can't find room to fit his entire body
...and that my friend is what you would see in my room this morning. How we all fit on my itty bitty bed, I will never know, but below are some pictures to try and capture the essence of the scene.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Owie
Remember on the Simpsons when Comic Book Guy is in a wheelbarrel at the ER and he exasperates, "Oh! Loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix!"?
You know what else is a dangerous mix? Chelsey and a box of Girl Scout Samoa cookies at work. I'm so sick, but I can't help but keep eating them. They're soooo good!
You know what else is a dangerous mix? Chelsey and a box of Girl Scout Samoa cookies at work. I'm so sick, but I can't help but keep eating them. They're soooo good!
Monday, March 3, 2008
Censorship
Did I really just have a meeting with my boss where I said I would turn tricks for food in Europe?
...Mind you, this is a meeting to discuss my performace reivew...
...Mind you, this is a meeting to discuss my performace reivew...
Almost sensuous...
I don't know why, but my work gets all these sex spam emails and I'm not gonna lie... it's annoying. However, they can be quite entertaining at times. Because seriously... sex spam emails at work? Who pulled that fast one on the company? The majority of the emails have to do with enlarging penises. Today I received one where the subject is "Why did she choose him over me?!" and when you open it up, there is a link that says, "Let's get freaky tonight in the sack baby"
Lol... I don't know why, but that is hella funny! I use to just delete them, but i'm so gonna start reading these now. Sorta like... the joke of the day. This is awesome.
Lol... I don't know why, but that is hella funny! I use to just delete them, but i'm so gonna start reading these now. Sorta like... the joke of the day. This is awesome.
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